The first day summer beings, and we will never forget.

It was June 21st which begins with the first day of summer. You think warmer days ahead and you have the whole summer ahead of you. That was not the case for us. It was a day we will always remember. I was 17 weeks 6 days pregnant. After going through two miscarriage's in a row we where so thrilled to know that everything was going great in this third pregnancy. To see that heartbeat for the first time was pure joy! for the most part I was of course very tired, and never felt good in the evening time. never threw up :) but sure felt like it at times. On June 21 I woke up about 4a.m. and went to the bathroom. I remember having a little bit of pain like i had to go to the bathroom and then i would feel better. I didnt wake Justin I simply just thought i had to poo. and then went back to bed. I then woke up around 8:30 to let our dog Toby out. We where out really late the night before at our awesome neighbors  Ross and kristens. So I layed back down and feel alseep. Justin was already up just watching tv and brought me bfast in bed :) I got up like 10:30  went to the bathroom and rememeber just feeling like i had to pee even more and didnt really know what was going on. I thought oh great i have another bladder infection or something. I didnt have any bleeding. Then I really notice ok something doesn't  feel right. It was getting harder to walk. I then actually took a hand mirror and what I had seen was my water sac/bag coming out of me and was increasing in size pretty fast. I then screamed for my husband and I said what is this! the look on each of our faces was shock. we didn't know what was happening going to be first time parents and all. I yelled call 911. I just layed on our bedroom floor crying and screaming. I called my docs office and the doctor on call said come right up to the birthing floor. Once i got to the room I had to be checked. I had been fully dilated to a 10 and was told you have what is called a incompetent cervix. Basically as the baby grows and gets heavier, it presses on the cervix. The next time we get pregnant I will have to have a cerclage that swes the cervix closed at 13 weeks.They remove it at about 36 weeks and could go into labor that day.  Because of the baby's lungs not being developed there is nothing we can do. All i remember was being in shock. and Justin kept asking isn't there something we can do? there has to be something. our parents had gone up north the night before to my in laws cottage and where on there way over to the hospital.I will never forget them checking the heartbeat and feeling the last two kicks I had felt that afternoon. knowing that our baby which we where not finding out the sex was just fine but had to come out. The doctor said it maybe today, maybe tomorrow, or next week that I would go into labor. As the afternoon went on our parents arrived. I just remember all of us crying. I felt like this was a dream. How can this be happening? my due date was November 26, 2014 that our little turkey would come. I remember looking outside and seeing Summer grass,green leaves on trees. It was suppose  to be leaves changing, cold and perhaps snow. gross right that snow! We where so overwhelmed as we had to decide  what we wanted to do for our baby. should we name the baby? should we have a funeral? As the afternoon went on I tryed to take a nap.(didn't work so well) It was about 6:30 and I stared to have contractions. It was pretty bad. They didn't want to give me anything because they said it would happen fast. They where also concern that I wouldn't deliver my placenta. I would have to go into surgery right after the delivery. thank the Lord it came out about ten minutes after. Our daughter was born on June 21, 2014 at 8:22p.m she did not have a heartbeat when she came out feet first. She looked just like her momma. my noise and lips. Its amazing to think that she was inside of me. she was 170gms. and 8inches long. a bit bigger than a hand size. we got to hold her as long as we liked and then the grandparents got to hold her. We didn't name her. we have had a girls name picked out since we went on our honeymoon and where laying on the beach and heard someone yell that named and loved it. so we hope to use it someday. We also decided to let the hospital take care of it all and they cremate the baby. After our parents left we just sat there. cryed , prayed and held our sweet baby girl Flokstra.We have a cd that has pictures of her on it. It then began to storm. We came home that night around 1:30a.m. I was shocked that we came home already. But the doctor said it may be a good idea to stay. but we could stay as well. Leaving the hospital with out knowing our baby girl was never coming home was one of the most hardest things we have ever gone through.I remember them wheeling me out of the room and our room was right by the nursery. (go figure)I just kept looking down the whole time and shut my eyes. I didn't even speak. In all this we just really need to trust god. lots of prayer. It took me a few days to really even think how I would write this. Of course so many things happened in one day that i left out. I would like to thank Kate lubbers. Her blog is amazing and that is what inspired me to share my feelings and grieve over all of this. This is the verse my hubby picked out when we posted on facebook about our baby girl Flokstra. well i cant find it! great. oh well i will share another verse. (working on pictures) and by any means my punctuation is not the best :) thank you for all the prayers, love and support

This is a necklace I found online last month for myself and came up with my blog name.

God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life.

Romans 8:28

Kendra

This is a frame memorial of her hands and feet along with our thumb print we have framed in our house along with a stone from our friends